The Secret Lives of Black Mothers

When I scheduled this latest conversation for the Woke Mommy Chatter podcast. It was meant to be three people talking about the idea of achievement being equated to ‘acting white’ and the phrase ‘Oreo cookie’ that is hurled at Black kids who don’t fit the ‘stereotype.’   This episode does talk about that issue, but my conversation with fellow blogger, Trish Frempong of Confessions of a Hustling Mama, is also about so much more.  It captures all of the complications, uncertainty, joy and pain of parenting and living as a Black mother.

“My kids are not safe in their school”
“I would make myself small in social situations”
“A colleague called me a bounty bar, because they said I acted white”Just a few nuggets from this episode the Woke Mommy Chatter Podcast. If you listen to only one episode – this is the one to listen to.Trish

Listen as we explore education and learning while Black, working while Black and just the experience of living and existing in a Black body and how that impacts the way we parent our kids.

This isn’t an episode to miss.

Subscribe to the Woke Mommy Chatter podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/…/po…/wokemommychatter/id1293971353

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SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/wokem

The Traumatic Three’s, Elsa and the Black Village gone wrong

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Having a three year old sucks.  Anyone who tells you differently is either delusional or on a strong dose of Vicodin or likely both….because they have a three year old, or as that age is now commonly known- a ‘threenager.’

On episode three of the Woke Mommy Chatter podcast, I am talking to three fellow moms, Rahema, Felicia owner of  @Justuseventstoronto and Trish- creator of the @ConfessionsofaHuslingMama blog on Instagram.   We are unpacking the traumatic three’s and what it’s like parenting a threenager with the added layer of blackness.

Woke Mommy ChatterSubscribe to the Woke Mommy Chatter podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/…/po…/wokemommychatter/id1293971353

 

When your village gets in formation…

‘It takes a village to raise a child’

Today I spent the day with my extended village at the Alliance of Educators for Black Students​ Family Conference.

It was an amazing. There’s something really inspiring and uplifting about being surrounded by fellow black parents all trying to learn how to support and advocate for their kids…and black teachers trying to guide and do what they do best….’teach.’

There where parent workshops on how to navigate the hidden curriculum, family health and round table discussions on how to be involved and more importantly ENGAGED in your child’s education.

AEBS

Part of what I love about this conference is the priority and care they take in involving the children. This day is as much for them as it is for the parents. And for my little madam and for the boy child it’s one day where they are NOT different. It’s one day where they sit in a classroom with a teacher and students who look exactly like they do.

There really is comfort and power that comes from having a ‘village’. It’s not easy being a parent, particularly a black parent- when the odds are so stacked against your kids. You are ALWAYS questioning if you are doing the right thing, are you being too pushy, are you not being pushy enough. It’s wonderful to feel like you have people who understand and can carry you when you stumble, when you are unsure and when you need a little guidance.

#AEBSfamily2017

On Black Mom Groups

Yes, I belong to black only moms group. They have been a sanctuary for me. Before I found these groups I was struggling. My son was struggling with identity issues. He didn’t want to be ‘brown’ he hated his hair and waited ‘straight yellow hair.’

I knew what was missing….his village. We have a huge family, but they all live in far flung places of the globe, so aside from my immediate family, my kids really don’t have many other black people around. We live in a PW (predominately white) town, they go to PW school. Everything in their world is PW and that is a struggle because for them, there is never representation, they are always different. And if you think kids don’t notice differences then you are not a parent, because they do.

So, I did what moms of the digital age all over the world do. I turned to the internet and I started a group called the Afrocentric Kids Club, I was hoping it could become a place where black kids could get together and socialize with other kids that look like them. Once i had made the group, I needed members so I turned to local moms groups to advertise. I explained why I had created the group and needless to say the response was not well received. The pair filled up with comments about reverse racism, and kids not seeing colour and all sorts of other misnomers. In fact I was kicked out of the group that I had posted in. I sat at my kitchen table crushed, upset, crying, feeling alone. Somehow between all that I stumbled across the Black Moms Connection group. This group has been my lifeline and I am grateful everyday that I’ve found a moms group where I can discuss the specific issues that come with raising black children in a safe place. The founder of this group (which is 9000 strong) wrote an article for Today’s Parent recently, and the comments reacting to the article are just so ignorant.

The bottom line is that mainstream Facebook groups are not safe places for women of colour. All moms need a space where they can ask questions, raise concerns and discuss their issues with a group that understands them without feet of prejudice or racism. I’m now a member of a number of black moms groups and I love them. I don’t care if it’s self segregation, these groups have been a life saver for me and my mental health and the tips, advice and support I receive in these groups is helping me raise confident, loving, proud and resilient black children and I’m grateful for that.